I want to thank you all for my lovely comments about my recent picture, I do feel very blown away! I'm very proud of myself and I’ve been thinking lately about what this weight loss and health journey means to me and what I want to achieve. I started this blog as a way to have an outlet about my weight loss and health so I don’t drive my family and friends crazy.
So I have noticed lately I am getting a little fixated on the numbers and not so much on how I feel. I want to change this and not concentrate on achieving a certain weight or size. I definitely want to look great and feel comfortable in my skin and my jeans.
I’ve always hated those pity stares…as if to say ‘oh if only she lost that weight how hot she would be’. I'm guilty of doing this to others! I guess my main motivator was vanity but following closely was also my health. When I was over 100kgs things were starting to get difficult, even going for a walk was hard in all honesty, I hated that I couldn’t hoist myself up on the kitchen bench while having one of those kitchen conversations.
So my goal is to be healthy at the weight my body arrives at, having some muscle show through, I want to be able to keep up with my friends on a bike ride, I want to sit on the floor with my legs crossed and not worry about constantly moving my clothing to try and disguise the fat, I want to fit easily into booths at cafes, I want to feel comfortable after I’ve eaten and not get horizontal or have reflux pain, I want to be able to do some exercise and not feel like I’m going to die, I don’t want panic attacks which were so constant because I was so out of balance, and I want to live a long healthy life. These things are MOST important to me.
Reading the Primal Blueprint has actually been really great in helping me reassess my goals and what I want. Since I’m working from home it’s too easy to not do any exercise and since the way I eat is allowing me to drop considerable body fat it’s easy to be lazy. I do have a bit of a lazy nature when it comes to exercise. This is one of the main reasons I joined the gym, I needed somewhere I can go and have me time and create that wonderful feeling I get from working out.
DH and I have discussed my obsessive nature when it comes to weight, the last time I embarked on a weight loss journey was when I was 21 and I slimmed down to 55kgs and boy was that number important to me. I looked great in clothing but in a bikini I was skinny-fat, so I got obsessive, thinking I needed to lose more weight which was not the problem obviously. I kind of gave up trying to look so good and eventually all the weight crept back on and then some. This time I have agreed that he can tell me if I start to get like that again, naturally it’s a concern of mine. I do feel a whole lot different this time, I am making much better food choices and I feel so in tune with my body, whereas last time I simply didn’t listen to my body and just aimed solely for weight loss.
Don't get me wrong I still plan on looking wonderful at the beach and not feel like I have a fat suit on, which is how I felt last year. DH is a surfer and a water baby so naturally we go to the beach a lot in summer. My way of getting there is about being healthy and not so fixated on the scale because I can see it would be easy for me to get obsessive about it again, losing weight on the scale is very addictive and I don’t want to get to that bad place again.
So with all that in mind I will still be keeping track of my progress but in a more moderated fashion. I am not going to weigh myself anymore than once a week period! I feel this is the only way to protect myself from getting obsessive again, last time I lost the weight I would sometimes weigh several times a day! Measurements will be another form of my progress, as will the clothes I wear and the mirror. I do think it’s important to know how my progress is going, and I have to set goals but I will be forming a much better relationship with myself.
I’d love to know how you feel about yourself, do you want to be a certain ‘weight’ or ‘size’ or are you striving to be healthy and feel great about yourself?